hancheese
by pokerfacejones
Summary: short story written for my friend. you wouldnt understand. its here because hancock forum isnt up yet.


hi.this story sucks, in a funny way, kind of. but it's on purpose, my friend chrissymuffin requested i write it for her. ;D  
so if you've actually read it, all of it's stupidity and idioticness, please review. who knows? maybe you'll get a laugh.  
be aware that this story contains a lot of inside jokes, so you won't understand unless you are chrissymuffin.  
featuring ironman at the end.

* * *

The world's most alcoholic cheese-hero was flying in on his E.T. flying bike to a crime scene in the gangsta streets of Nebraska.

The pimp thieves all popped their collars and threw stale taco shells at old ladies in the park. One of the pieces managed to chop an old lady's head off, and everyone gasped. "GASP"!

"get that pimp, he killed my grandma!" just then hancheese zoomed in! (if you don't know what he looks like, think of a big piece of bright yellow holy cheese in a red cape and blue undies.no he doesn't have a face.)he flew over and took their taco shells, eating them quickly. "you're stale food products are no match for me!" he said, in a DEEP MANLY VOICE.

just then a recap to his previous non-cheesy life hit him. he remembered his family then realized that this pimp was actually his friend brendon!"what a minute, BRENDON is that you?!" he asked but the pimp shook his head.

"nahh man i changed my name, i'm ALEX MARTINEZ now.yo."

"well let neptune shine brightly on my harvest, BRENDON!" he then showed an apple in brendon's mouth. "dont lie to me! i hate that name. alex martinez is an ugly name. it reminds me of my bestfriend who betrayed me!"

brendon began choking on an apple, as cryan was kidnapped by CANADIANIANOS. "ohh no! not the canadiadianos! i'll save you!!"

so while singing snoop doggy dogg hancheese flew up into a nearby tree and used a lasso to catch cryan while he fell over the empire state building hotel. "CRYANN!"

cryan has hooked by the neck and was pulled back to the tree, holding up a basket of apples to show his appreciation."hancheese! you saved my life! how about you join my organization? you can be a bodyguard. my body is in your guarding hands."

hancheese smiled. "YES!" and gave cryan a MANLY HUG. "now if you dont mind i'd like to take a break to..read my script."

cryan does anime-fall.

* * *

INTERMISSION!!

* * *

so by this time brendon was dead and cryan and hancheese were over in orlando riding the rides in epcot. when cryan remember he forgot his wristwatch in canada! "dude we gotta go back i forgot my wristwatch if i dont get it back i wont ever know what time it is!"

so after a quick trip to the bathroom to pee, they were on their way to canada. they boarder the hogwarts train and accidently ended up in the u.k.

"hey what the! this isnt canada, eh?!" hancheese said in his canadian accent." this is GREAT britain!"

"dangit, we'll never find my wristwatch here."

"well maybe if we go to geneva in switzerland we can buy you a new one, you knows they gots lots of 'em there."

"RIGHT-O!" they both flew to switzerland and bought chocolate and wristwatchs.

"im kinda in the mood for burritos though." cryan said.  
"alright, where else better to get burritos thann.."

"MEXICO?"

"noooo swaziland!" they flew to this place but accidently somehow end up in zimbabwe.

there they saw marie grazing on burritos.

cryan attempted to eat one burrito whole without chewing it but ended up choking. nobody could hear him behind his loud chokes.

"MY HUMPS! MY HUMPS MY HUMPS MY HUMPS!" hancheese sang, shaking his butt. he bumped into cryan whose burrito dislodged itself from his trachea and landed across the foodstore. a penguin began to eat it."HEY PENGUIN! THATS MY BURRITO GIVE IT BACK!"

but hancheese already made love to the penguin and was scheduled for marriage."oh no you dont cryan thats my fiance!" he attemtped to trip cryan and stop him in his tracks but the fat lard cryan fell and squished the penguin to a pancake.

"NOOOO! LITTLE PATCLUCK!!"

"hancheese im sorry! you made me do it!"

"im not dead." said random patrick stump.

"IM GONNA KILL YOU CRYAN"

cryan cried and said "btw i lied my name is really denise rachel ray anderson!"

"YOU LIYING BOAR!" hancheese used lazor vision and killed denise. just then little patcluck woke up and said "it was a joke dude. now your a murderer and i could never marry yo-" but then lil padlock was eating by brAndon!

"DANG YOU MYSTERIOUS TWIN BROTHER OF MY BESTFRIEND FROM MYSPACE!"

it was because he wanted to frame his friend because he ate the last cookie.

just then brAndon got shot down by a unicorn with a paintball gun and peed on , his wound stinged and he died.

now that everybody hancheese loved was dead he walked home sadly sining the snoopy song.thinking of the day he made a really cool guitar solo.

just then a badman comes "ItS TIME TO CUT THE CHEESE" and sliced him with a BIG machete. the end of cheese man and the new hero is IRONMAN

one day he is in tokyo sining karaoke"I AM IRONMAN NANANANANA YES I AM! THOSE ARE NOT THE WORDS ITS OK IM IRONMAN" he put on glow in the dark underwear and scuba dived in san francisco with gay people.

he grew up to win a noble pirze and meet oprah. THEE END (;


End file.
